A Life So Changed
by Love Is A Fast Song
Summary: I feel like a doll, trapped inside a music box,...only able to act when someone allows me to. I want someone to pull out the key,....and let me live my life my way.
1. Proluge

_What do you see _

_You people gazing at me_

_You see a doll on a music box_

_That's wound by a key_

_How can you tell_

_I'm under a spell_

_I'm waiting for love's first kiss_

_You cannot see _

_How much I long to be free _

_Turning around on this music box_

_That's wound by a key _

_Yearning_

_Yearning _

_While I'm turning around and around  
_

_- "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang"_


	2. Chapter 1

Author's Note: I own pretty much,..nothing...Margaret...and that's it. And I'm a feedback whore...I live for feedback...

**CHAPTER ONE**

"Your own suite, what else? Father wanted the best for this trip, after all you are to meet your betrothed when we dock in New York. We cannot have you looking tired and unattractive" my eyes lifted from my fixed gaze on the mantel of the fireplace. In the few minutes he'd been talking to me I'd memorized every detail of that mantel, right down to which direction the rich, dark wood flowed. The gold details. I'd remember it forever.

I gave Cal a small smile and nodded, "Father is good to me…." breaking the smile and walking into the bedroom, Trudy was already unpacking the clothes. Closing the door behind me, I sighed heavily, leaning against it. Sprawled on my bed was Rose, expression mirroring my own. Her hat was thrown carelessly on the floor, my glittering gowns and dresses being hung in the closet by our silent travel companion.

"We haven't even left port and you already want to jump off don't you?" she asked me, sitting up and making room for me on the bed. The bed was soft when I leaned back onto it, I ran my hand across the silky bedspread. The feeling of quality things never got old.

"It's true. I don't want to go back to America." I sighed loudly, leaning my head against Rose's.

We were good friends. Best of friends. We'd met two years ago at a party thrown by my father, Rose's mother Ruth introduced her to my brother, Cal,…and now they were engaged. I knew Rose didn't want to marry him. I wouldn't wish Cal on anyone. Hr was angry, brash and abusive, like our Father. It was how he learned to love. I was thankful I found my own way,…the right way. I just hadn't found the right person to love.

"Maggie, you haven't even met your fiancé, he could be…." Rose paused, trying to come up with something positive, "….old? Very rich? Give me all I want? I doubt it Rose." I finished for her. She gave me a defeated look. Trudy looked over her shoulder and hung up my final gown, she looked apprehensive about staying. She curtsied quickly, zooming towards the door.

"S'cuse me, Miss's" Trudy said, leaving the room quickly. Now we were alone, not that it mattered. Trudy was our friend, and we trusted her.

Rose stood up, adjusting her dress and plucking her hat off the floor and walking to the door, "I'll see you at dinner"

I stood there, expression blank as I examined my room for the first time. It smelled heavily of paint, it was so new. Rich mahogany everywhere, everything seemed to have this blinding shine to it. I pulled back a corner of the plush comforter and ran a hand over the crisp sheets. They'd never been slept on. There were hundreds of people who would've wished they were in my place right now, but I'd pay anything to get out of my life.

My name is Margaret Anne Hockley. I turned eighteen three weeks ago, and at my party I'd received news that we'd be traveling to America for Cal and Rose's wedding,…as well to meet my fiancé.

I'd been thrown into an arranged marriage, because heaven forbid, I wasn't married by the "ancient" age of nineteen. He was rich, very high in the society rankings of Philadelphia, and his name was Theodore Larchmont. That's all I knew. That and he had a horrible taste in jewelry. I looked down at the large, garish diamond ring on my finger. If my ring finger snapped off any second, I wouldn't be too surprised.

After calling Trudy back in, with her help, a restricting corset, and a sky blue dress later, I snuck out of my rooms onto the promenade, enjoying the cool ocean air as it rippled my dress and long dark brown hair. I slowly walked the deck, taking in everything. The cables, the people, the small children that ran around playing games. It loved being on a ship, the smell, the sounds, the interesting people I'd stare at longingly, wanting to make conversation but couldn't.

Someone towards the bow of the boat screamed loudly, it caught me off guard, not used having loud distracting noises around me. I was such a girl.

I shrieked at the sudden shout from the bow of the boat, I stumbled back, colliding with a solid object. It grunted and barely caught me as I headed towards the ground. Catching my breath I was stood back up, brushing the hair that had tumbled out of my hat out of my face. Looking up to see who'd caught me and if Cal or his creepy manservant Lovejoy, were anywhere around to have seen my less than graceful display, I looked directly into a pair of gorgeous blue eyes.

Stopped by the intensity of them I forgot momentarily what had happened and where I was.

"Miss I'm so sorry. Are you alright?" came a Welsh voice. The blue eyes belonged to a voice. A very nice voice. I stepped back and put a hand to my head, looking at the Officer that stood before me. A few people stopped and stared at me, sticking their noses in the air and continuing on their way.

"Yes,…I'm fine. Just a little stunned" I said, getting my breathing under control. He looked concerned and took a step towards me, putting an arm out incase I needed further steadying. I took it, feeling the scruffy material of the navy blue Officer's uniforms under my fingers.

"Are you sure Miss-.."

"Hockley…Margaret Hockley. But don't call me Margaret, I prefer Maggie" it all came out in a nervous rush, no man had ever had that affect on me. He was just so….wow.

I blushed furiously, walking away from the Officer and leaning on the railing, staring down at the dark water bellow. I'd never been so embraced either.

"I'm Fifth Officer Harold Lowe,…but I prefer Harry" he said., coming up beside me and leaning on the railing as well. Typical, getting friendly then ratting on me to Cal. I scoffed, looking up at him.

"Why are you being so nice to me? You're just going to go tell my brother what I've done" I demanded.

Lowe looked taken aback, "Why would I tell your brother?"

"Because! I can't do anything remotely of my own choice! Damn it,…I just keep going and going don't I? Don't answer that! Great, now you think I'm this mad woman ranting about!"

I stopped my livid behavior and looked at him, he seemed to be holding back laughter. I glared at him.

"What the hell is so funny?"

"I'm sorry, you're not like any woman I've met before. So…blunt!" he laughed, I sighed angrily, crossing my arms in front of my chest. A habit that no governess could break me of.

"Blunt? Thank you very much for that lovely compliment but I really must be going" I said quickly, storming off in the opposite direction.

Well that was embarrassing, making a complete fool of myself in front of the handsome Officer. Not like it mattered, I was engaged. Engaged to a complete stranger. That thought after seeing someone as handsome as Officer Lowe…Harry….no, Officer! I must have been mad, thinking I could go around calling an Officer by his first name!


	3. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: I actually have reviews….wow. Thanks mega much. Now to talk to my lovely reviewers.**

**-There is noooo way that my story will be as good as "Into the Sunset". I love that fic,…I wish mine could be half what it is,…but it's what it is.**

**-Brown eyes….for some reason….I knew that….but stuck blue instead of brown….hmm…I'm a total spaz…we'll blame that.**

After a very boring lunch with everyone who was anyone, I needed some fresh air. Lots of it. We were off the coast of Ireland, where the Titanic stopped for the last time till New York. Rose and I exchanged so many exasperated glances during lunch I needed a rest. No more talk of weddings, dresses, flowers, the ship. All I wanted was to get married in a small church, just Rose as a bridesmaid, and white carnations for my flowers. Oh, and a different groom…that would help make the wedding a lot better. Now I'd walked the whole inside of the first class area and was still needing that air.

I was just stepping out onto the deck when a loud shout from Margaret Brown called me over. She patted the deck chair beside her and I sat down, leaning back on the comfortable wood. Margaret Brown was different from any woman I'd ever met. She sort of reminded me of myself. Loud, brash, and couldn't give a damn what anyone thinks. But she didn't have to. I did.

Mrs. Brown grinned mischievously, "Well Maggie Hockley, I was taking a tour of this ship today,…and I overheard something you might be interested to know"

I frowned, she wasn't a gossip. But she seemed very excited about this "news".

"Interesting? Now I'm intrigued"

She took a deep breath then leaned in to me, I followed the motion, my eyes watching the beautiful ocean view as she whispered in my ear, "We passed an Officer talking about a first class woman who took his breath away, he said she was 'blunt as hell, as well as beautiful.' and he can't, 'wait to see her again"

My eyes grew wide and I gaped at her, "And…and how does this pertain to me?" I stuttered out.

She rolled her eyes, swatting my arm with her fan, "Who else besides me is blunt and beautiful in first class? He was very handsome Maggie, got yourself quite a catch" she winked at me.

I scoffed and turned my face away from her, then turned back quickly, "Was he tall? And had a Welsh accent?" I asked quietly. If Officer Lowe had thought I was beautiful and liked that I was blunt,….just maybe,…possibly…I could run into him again. Accidentally of course.

Mrs. Brown grinned at me, slapping her knee and whooping, catching the glares of passengers out for some sea air.

"I knew you'd know who I was talking about! How'd you meet him?" I got to my feet as she mock gasped at me, "You're not going to tell me?" I shook my head with a grin, walking down towards the bridge, where I guessed my certain admirer would be.

It was beautiful out, the sun shinning, reflecting blindingly on the water. A nice breeze. If the "Titanic" wasn't taking me to America for such saddening reasons,…I would have willingly gotten on the ship to experience such beauty and grandeur. A group of steerage men a few decks down looked up at me, one with curly hair giving me a short wave. I laughed and waved back, just as someone walked up beside me.

"Looking for someone Miss Hockley?" came the voice of the one person I was actually looking for.

I faced Officer Lowe and smiled, "Not anymore"

He grinned back at me, "Don't tell me you came all the way to the bow for me?" he asked dramatically, putting a hand on his chest and looking shocked. I rolled my eyes and shoved him.

"Well I heard that uh,…a certain Officer was admiring me from afar" I said brazenly, looking up into his blue eyes.

He smiled and stepped closer, "And which Officer is it? Lights perhaps? Hmm,….who would admire you…" he touched his chin in mock concentration and I scoffed, putting my hands on my hips.

Lowe sighed and grinned back at me, "Alright. In all honesty, I've never found any woman so…attractive as you. And I just don't mean just your looks, you're not like the other women" he said honestly. And with that my control level went flying over the "Titanic". It was now floating away on the water, drifting so far that I would never see it again.

Blushing, I played with the lace on my gown, concentrating on the wood deck. One knot, three cracks and a scuff mark. A hand lifted my chin up, forcing me to meet his gaze.

"I know it's against the rules, but I can't help it. And I just hope you're feeling the way I am" he said softly. I stared to lean in, my heart racing in my chest, overwhelmed with emotions and feelings I'd never had for a man before. And I know it was soon, but it felt so right, so perfect. They were so strong,…if I could maybe just-..

"Margaret!"

I jumped back and saw Cal and Rose standing behind me, Rose with a bemused expression, Cal…with a not so friendly one. I practically ran to them. Stuttering up an explanation, the hopefully, sounded believable. As I walked to them I felt something in my hand that I hadn't noticed before,…a slip of paper. I stuck it up my sleeve and looked up at a very red-faced Cal.

"What were you and that Officer doing?" he demanded.

I must have looked like a fish, my mouth opening and closing like it did, "I….I….tripped on my dress and almost fell over the railing but Officer Lowe grabbed my arm and saved me" Rose raised an eyebrow, rolling her eyes. I glared at her then looked back at Cal with an innocent expression.

"It's the truth Cal,…what else would I be doing with an Officer?"

He thought about it then nodded, offering his remaining arm to me and escorted Rose and I back inside. I prepared myself for the flood of questions from Rose,…and hopefully I could answer them without blushing too much.


	4. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: I don't think my character is too modern...and Rose...wasn't either, I think...just my opinion...that there are those people in the world that no matter how society has been set up, and the standards for "what is acceptable" are...they disagree. There are always going to be those people,...and I just totally rambled on. Sorry there. ON WITH THE STORY!**

Another waiter appeared on my right, nodding the champagne bottle, I nodded and he filled my glass, setting it down where it belonged. It was then I first really noticed the place setting. The silverware, the china,…everything. It was so pristine, clean, a fancy. My encounter with Officer Lowe had gotten me to thinking about different matters. What kind of food would he be eating at dinner? Does he have china in his dinning saloon as well? Do the officers even _have_ a dinning saloon?

"Rose!" the sudden exclamation over the roar of the conversation drew my attention. I looked up from the china to see Rose leaving the room calmly. I started to get up when Cal placed his hand on top of my gloved one. His glare was firm, yet to the onlookers, it just seemed like he wanted me to stay and finish my meal.

"You _will _stay here Margaret" he said calmly, his hand not leaving mine till I was completely seated. I nodded, smiling weakly. Cal withdrew his hand, diving back into the conversation with ease.

I still wanted to follow Rose and see if she was alright. I took a sip of my champagne and tried to relax, it was just dinner, I'd done this millions of times. There was nothing wrong with it. This is how everyone has their meals. I kept chanting it over in my head where a small groan from my left startled me. Madeleine Astor, John Jacob Astor's new and very young wife, was seated beside me.

She was around my age and an unusually quiet girl. Every time I saw her she was clinging to Mr. Astor's right arm, fan at waist level, trying to hide her condition. Everyone knew about it, yet they were trying so hard to keep in unknown. Her left hand was clutching her fan tightly, the right squeezing hard on the chair's arm. I touched her arm and she looked up, startled.

"Madeleine? Are you alright?" I asked softly. She nodded no, and I stood, looping my arm with Madeleine's.

"If you could excuse us just for a moment, we'd like to go have some fresh air." I announced, Cal nodded his approval, and JJ reached for Madeleine.

"Feeling alright dear?"

She nodded and we walked out of the room, stopping at the Grand Staircase. Madeleine looked at me and my eyes traveled down to her slight bump. She blushed, looking away.

"Is it the baby?" I asked quietly.

"No,…I just have this feeling. And it has been bothering me since I've boarded."

"Feeling?"

She looked up from her finger twisting, "That something terrible is going to happen. And I can share this with JJ,…I told Rosalie,…and she said that I was just feeling nauseous…but I'm not Margaret. Something bad is going to happen"

I felt bad for her. She was expecting, under fire from the press about her marriage, life and everything involving it. I reached out to her, giving her hand a squeeze.

"I can't guarentee everything will be fine. But you're young, healthy, and on the grandest ship in the world. Please don't worry yourself sick." I said.

Madeleine fanned herself, dark brown curls flying wildly around her face. "Thank you Margaret."

She started to make her way back into the dinning saloon then stopped, looking over her shoulder. "You look after yourself with that Officer."

My jaw dropped, she smiled, "Oh don't worry, I won't tell anyone. I saw you reading something earlier at lunch, and you dropped it. I'm sorry if I'm a bit nosy, but I read it….are you?"

I thought for a moment, then nodded, I could trust her. Madeleine smiled and continued on her way, leaving me with a startling thought. If I went tonight,…it could change things forever…is that was I really wanted?

* * *

I pulled my shawl tighter around my arms, shivering as another gust of wind practically knocked me over the railing. I couldn't believe I was doing this. Me standing at the stern of the boat was completely against everything I'd been taught. But there I was, shivering, hair whipping around my face, alone on the stern of the Titanic.

"I didn't think you'd come"

He walked down the stairs, the gate slamming behind him. I was so cold, yet suddenly so warm, and tingly. It was an odd sensation,…but I liked it.

"For awhile,...I didn't think I would either." I replied as he got closer. Now he was less than a foot away, his breath clouds mixing with mine.

"Are you glad that you came?" he asked.

"I think so. We're crossing lines that shouldn't be crossed,…._ever_. And yet here I am"

He stepped closer, reaching out for me slowly and I withdrew, "Officer Lowe,…"

"Harry"

"Harry,…if we step over the line of passenger and officer, there will be no looking back. You could loose everything if anyone found out. I just want you to make sure you know what you're really doing"

Harry laughed, "I don't really know what I'm doing exactly. Following my instincts I suppose. But you facinate me Margaret Hockley,…and I think, what would Romeo do?"

I stared blankly, "Romeo?"

Harry sighed, the look on his face, pure honesty, "From "Romeo and Juliet""

"Oh….how stupid of me" I blushed again.

He continued, forgetting my mistake, "….Romeo would be daring, I'm risking my career, dashing, got that, swift,…" he suddenly grabbed me, dipping me low in his arms.

"….and romantic…." and with that he lifted me to him, our lips sealing in a kiss that would change my life forever.


	5. Chapter 4

**Sorry it's such a short chapter,...the next one,...dinner with Jack...some other encounters...so it'll be longer. I'm glad you liked Madeleine Astor popping up in the story, I kept wondering what she was doing during the whole experience, the sinking, everything, so I thought, Maggie needs another person to confide in. Another one in a bit!**

Twenty minutes had passed and I still had the tingly feeling running throughout my body. I couldn't lie, breaking the rules, going with the moment felt pretty good,…and I had to tell someone. I'd stopped in front of the Astor's suite, then continued, not wanting to disturb them, so now I was standing outside of Rose and Cal's room.

"Rose? Can I come in?" I asked, rapping on the door. A small, quiet reply came from within and I stepped into the room, closing the door behind me.

"Oh Rose, I…I have something to…tell…you…" she had a strange expression, her face was abnormally pale, "…are you alright?"

She shook her head and I went to her, kneeling before her. Rose took a deep breath, setting her brush down on stand.

"I tried to jump off the back of the ship" she said dully, sighing. My happiness was instantly crushed, all of my feelings traveling to concern for Rose. I knew she was unhappy,…but so was I, and I wasn't jumping off of ocean liners.

"I'm not going to ask why. But what pulled you back?"

A slight smile came onto her face, "Jack Dawson."

And I thought I had a scandal on my hands. "Dawson? When did we meet him?"

Rose's smile faded, "We didn't. Jack,…Mr. Dawson,…he's in third-class"

I definitely didn't have as big of a problem as I thought I had. My dearest friend was blushing at the mention of a steerage passenger. A sudden thought occurred to me, Cal. Oh my god, Cal. If he found out about Harry he'-

A sudden rapping on the door startled me, and speak of the devil, he was standing in front of us, looking at me with an inquiring look.

"I was just saying goodnight. Goodnight Cal." I headed for the door, casting one last glance at Rose over my shoulder, then retiring to my rooms. Thoughts of Cal, Rose, Harry, and Jack Dawson swimming in my head.


	6. Chapter 5

**AN:I love reviews...especially from my reviewers...they are pretty much...the best. End of story...well..not literally,...chapters still to come!**

**Chapter Five:**

After lunch on Saturday I sought out Rose, but with no luck in finding her, I decided to spend some time with Madeleine, telling her about my first…and hopefully not my last, kiss with Harry. We sat in the corner of the Palm Court, sipping on tea as we talked.

Madeleine went scarlet after I told her Harry had kissed me, almost spitting her tea at me. I giggled into the china cup, giving a sharp glance towards Ruth and several others sitting in the center of the room. They hadn't noticed the commotion coming from our table, thank goodness.

"He really compared himself to Romeo? He dipped you? My, he sounds like quite the romantic!" she finally said after a moment to collect herself.

I nodded, "He seems that way, doesn't he? Madeleine, when did you know you were in love with JJ?"

She smiled, not answering at first, adding a lump of sugar to her tea, then looking back from her cup.

"It was the first time I'd met him actually. He kissed my hand, and I melted then and there"

I felt the warm sensation creeping across my cheeks, "Then me falling for him hard and fast isn't completely wrong"

Her hand flew to the growing grin on her face, "You're falling in love! Oh,…how beautiful!" she gasped.

I smiled, it quickly fell as I looked down at my hand, the huge diamond was staring up at me, mocking me almost. Madeleine must have noticed the direction of my gaze, she placed a hand on top of mine, covering the ring.

"Find true happiness, and that will be the richest reward in life" she whispered. She was truly a wonderful friend. I could never repay her for those words. Madeleine stood, placing a hand on the small of her back, snapping her fan open, and leaving the table. I stayed for a moment, then stood, walking out onto the decks for some fresh air.

The sun was setting slowly, and the cool breeze was welcome. Dinner was approaching, if not already hanging over my head. It should be interested though, I admitted. Jack Dawson was joining us from Third Class on Cal's invitation. I had almost flooded him with questions when I first heard about it; it wasn't in his nature to give hand outs or thank-you gestures.

"Margaret Hockley just the girl I've been looking to talk to!" I heard as my left arm was linked and I began to walk along beside Mrs. Brown.

I smiled at the Countess of Rothes, and to my dismay, Ruth. The walked ahead of us, Mrs. Brown pulling back from the two purposely. Before she could even start inquiring about Harry we stopped, nearly toppling into Ruth and the Countess. Peaking between their large hats, was Rose and who I presumed to be Jack Dawson. My eyes grew wide as I spotted a gob of spit on his chin. What a wonderful first impression.

"Well, Jack, it sounds like you're a good man to have around in a sticky spot--" Mrs. Brown began, the bugle sounded dinner blaring in our ears. Gasping loudly, hand to my heart I started to turn to Rose when she gone, walking off with Ruth.

"Son, do you have the slightest comprehension of what you're doing?" Mrs. Brown asked Mr. Dawson.

"Not really" he replied, a boyish grin plastered to his face.

"Well, you're about to go into the snake pit. I hope you're ready. What are you planning to wear?"

He looked down at his clothes, then back up at us. He apparently hadn't thought of it.

"Maggie, can you meet us in my room after you're finished getting ready?" she asked, I nodded, waving goodbye to Mr. Dawson, making my way to my room. This could be interesting.

"Salad" I commanded.

Slowly, he picked up the crab fork, showing it to me apprehensively.

I sighed, scooping up the utensils, setting them on the dinner cart Mrs. Brown requested brought to her room. Jack sighed in return, handing me my white gloves. He leaned against the wall, blue eyed gaze piercing mine. I had to admit he was handsome. I could have slapped myself then and there, thinking everyone that I could never talk to let alone love was handsome.

"How do you do it? Parade around all gussied up like this every moment of your life?" he asked, looking down at the tuxedo he was wearing.

I looked at him, then over at my reflection in the mirror. I was in my favorite gown, black beading, forest green, and caped sleeved. My hair pilled on my head, several clips holding back the brown curls. I was uncomfortable, but I was used to it. The corset was restricting my breathing, but I had the breathing pattern for this in my head. Jack pulled me out of my thinking, grabbing my arm, leading me to the door.

"Are you ready?"

"I don't think I ever will be"


	7. Chapter 6

_Sorry such a long gap between chapter updates...I doubt there's anyone still reading this story...but if you are. Thanks. _

**Chapter Six**

I lead Jack through the corridors, stopping every so often to urge him away from studying the art etched into the walls and statues. His open mouthed expression during the lift ride gave us several glances from the stewards. But I am proud to say, he began to understand, play the part. When a steward opened the door for us, he nodded politely. He leaned in to me just before I left him standing at the top of the Grand Staircase, "I feel like a spy." he confessed.

I smothered a giggle in my glove, I managed to regain my composure and make my way down the stairs. Cal and Rose not in sight, I wandered into the dinning saloon on my own. It was unusual to be unescorted, and I had to say it wasn't comfortable. Making my way around the room without Cal or Father's arms to hold on to was unnerving.

"Care for an escort Miss Hockley?" a faceless tuxedo asked me. I nodded, slipping my arm through his, allowing myself to be led to the table we were dinning at this evening. I sat down carefully in the pulled out chair and waved him away. I was much more comfortable sitting down, less vulnerable.

Soon Cal and Ruth joined me. Rose and Mrs. Brown on Jack's arm. Jack attempted to sit beside Rose, but quickly moved for the chair on my left. I could tell from the expression on his face he was nervous about the silverware, he kept stealing glances at it. Rose swatted me under the table, catching my attention as the waiter finished pouring the champagne and began to serve the foie gras.

"My does he clean up well" she whispered. I smiled, lifting the napkin off the table, placing it on my lap. I couldn't help that I watched Jack throughout dinner, I was nervous, Cal and Ruth looked like they wanted to maim him.

"Mr. Dawson is joining us from third class. He was of some assistance to my fiancé last night." Cal filled, replacing the confused expressions to curious and judgmental ones.

Jack was inspecting the foie gras on his plate when Cal shifted his conversation to him, "This is foie gras. It's goose liver."

Whispering filled the table as furtive glances went Jack's way.

"Where exactly do you live Mr. Dawson?" Ruth inquired.

"Well, right now my address is the RMS Titanic. After that, I'm on God's good humor."

Before I could even touch the foie gras, it was taken away and replaced with a salad. This happened to me every meal. I became so distracted with the conversation or my own thoughts, I completely missed the food. I looked to Jack as he lifted the fish fork, his glance questioning if it was correct. I slowly picked up my salad fork so he could identify it, waving it back and forth slightly. "Miss Hockley, what is the matter?" Colonel Gracie asked from the end of the table. I froze, everyone was looking my direction. I dropped the fork, looking up at the waiter on my right, "It has a spot of something on it"

The women of the table gasped, inspecting their silverware for any visible stains or marks. And that was how I managed to have the entire table's silverware replaced.


	8. Chapter 7

I am so sorry about the huge gaps between updates. I moved and couldn't find half the cords to hook the computer up. I return to find a zillion reviews, and a new Titanic story with the same title as this story!

I feel like one of us should change the title, but that isn't good isn't it? I don't know. Whatever works I suppose. Enough of my rants, on with the chapter!

**Chapter Seven **

After dinner I was steered right into my rooms by Cal, receiving a stern goodnight. He disappeared to the Smoking Room of course; there wasn't a finer place to drink yourself into a stupor than that room. As soon as he was gone, I tried to leave the room and found I had been locked in. It took me a few moments to realize Cal knew I had been sneaking off to see someone!

I irately sat at my dressing table, frowning at my reflection in the mirror. I pulled my hair pins out with such force I took large pieces of brown hair along with the pin. I hated being controlled like that. Being told "no" wasn't what bothered me. But when I was locked in a room because someone thought I needed to learn a lesson, really irked me. It had happened before of course, once for sticking my tongue out at Cal when I was five, then Father caught onto Cal's punishments, and I was in my room most all of the time between lessons.

But in the time spent in my room for hours upon hours, I learned something, how to escape a locked room. Usually I shimmied down the rose trellises, but seeing as I was on a ship, it was impossible. I snatched one of the hair pins off my dresser, jamming it into the lock beneath the doorknob. After a few minutes of fiddling, I was free, running down the hall before I could be noticed.

As always, the sea air was welcoming. I hadn't a clue to where Harry was, or if I'd even find him out there, but I stood at the railing, hoping. Several minutes past, and I was beginning to think he'd been caught as I had. But when I spotted him coming out of the shadows, my heart leapt.

"We meet again," he smiled, walking closer to me. He held my hands, rubbing his gloved fingers over them. I didn't speak. I just stood there, smiling.

"You look cold, maybe we should-," he paused, his hands stopped rubbing mine. I knew instantly what had happened. Harry lifted my left hand, his brown eyes focusing in on the diamond. His gaze pealed away from my ring, meeting my worried expression.

"I didn't give this to you," he said stonily.

"My fiancée did," I sighed. Harry dropped my hands, his eyes shifting back to the ring again.

"Fiancée. Of course you would have a fiancée," he replied, throwing his hands up in the air.  
I wasn't about to let my stupid ring and my stupid fiancé ruin possibly the best thing that's ever happened to me. I grabbed his flailing arms, catching his attention. I pulled the ring off, waving it in front of his face…just before I pitched it over the side of the Titanic.

"I don't want to marry him….I want to marry you," I whispered, biting my lip and hoping for the best.

Harry froze. I knew I shouldn't have said it. I knew I was rushing things, but it was how I felt. His face quickly broke into a smile, which eased my ever-present nerves.

"You want to marry me? Oh Maggie!" he burst, picking me up, our modesty thrown to the wind. I nodded in response to his question and his smile grew broader. I kissed him, not caring if anyone saw us. Society be damned. I was in love and I didn't care who knew it.

I pulled on my dress, lazily running my fingers through my hair. It was then I spotted the note. I smiled as I read about some officer named "Lights" was his roommate, and for the previous night, Harry had to work all the following day. He added at the bottom it was a small price to pay for the evening. I folded the note carefully, sticking it back on the just-made bed.

I couldn't help but smile as I turned the doorknob to exit the Officer's Quarters. My life was starting to take form nicely. The sun was blaring down on me as I squinted, trying to make my way back towards my rooms. The sun suddenly disappeared. I looked up into the sinister smile of Spicer Lovejoy.

"Good morning Miss Hockley. How was your night in the Officer's Quarters?"


	9. Chapter 9

_A note from Virginia: So I've updated...the gap is getting smaller...be thrilled. Arg. School. Family. Work. And the fact Spring Break is fast approaching...I'm really scatter-brained. Here's Chapter Nine! _

**Chapter Nine **

He'd known all along. Lovejoy had been following me. I knew I wasn't getting out of this situation easily.

"You don't have control over me you know…I'm a grown woman that can handle her-," he grabbed my arm tightly.

I cried out as tried to pull away but he led me back towards the rooms. I was still beating on his arm as he drug me onto Cal and Rose's promenade deck. I hit the deck hard when he shoved me down, pain shooting through my wrist. I cradled it, lifting my head to see Rose sitting in a chair, a stunned and frightened expression on her face as Cal hovered over her.

"I see the two women who should obey me were both behaving badly last night," Cal said angrily.

Lovejoy pushed me back down as I tried to get onto my feet. Lying on my stomach, holding my arm I watched Cal pace between Rose and I. I had gone from being over the moon happy to frightened in less than an hour. But it didn't surprise me.

My father was abusive, as was Cal. I'd only been hit once, Father broke my jaw. I'd been leery of them ever since, but what was I to do? I couldn't just run away. Everything I'd ever learned wouldn't help me one bit if I was to live on the streets.

"You two are not to leave my sight till we dock in New York…do you understand me!" Cal shouted, tipping over Rose's chair. She hit the floor and stayed down, afraid to move.

"Yes," she answered softly, tears running down her cheeks.

"Good. Now clean up. Service is in an hour," he said sharply, striding off the Promenade, Lovejoy behind him.

I crawled towards Rose, helping her sit up. The two of us just stared at each other, tears flowing till we hugged, not wanting to let go. All my dreams…had been squashed in a matter of minutes, and I was left feeling hopeless and miserable.

I stood in the Devine Service numbly, standing when everyone stood, singing along with the familiar hymns and prayers that seemed to have a Nautical Theme to them. During "Almighty Father Strong to Save" I noticed Jack trying to get in but was stopped by two stewards, Lovejoy strode to him, closing the doors behind him softly. I watched them argue in pantomime, Jack finally being hauled off by the two stewards by his arms. Rose didn't even notice. She hadn't spoken a word to me after we had gotten dressed. I couldn't blame her. I wasn't feeling much like talking either.

During our tour of the ship, led by Mr. Andrews my eyes were on the hunt for Harry, praying he wouldn't approach me, praying I wouldn't see him. I was going to have to tell him it was nothing. That last night didn't mean anything to me. If he tried to see me again, Cal and Lovejoy would certainly take care of him…in a bad way. Harry wouldn't listen to warnings if I told him…I had to drive him away…far away, so he wouldn't be harmed.

Cal worked the oars of the stationary rowing machine with a well trained stroke. He'd been on the team when he was in school. He kept looking up at Rose as he stroked, seeing if she was impressed, but she wasn't. Only Ruth seemed to be as shallow as my brother.

"Reminds me of my Harvard days," he boasted, standing up as we left the gym.

When we got to the bridge I kept my eyes on the ground, ignoring the glance from an Officer I assumed was "Lights". I knew he'd know something was wrong, and would tell Harry. Maybe finding out from him would be better.

"Waste of deck space as it is, on an unsinkable ship!" Cal announced with a slap on the side of one of the lifeboats. I looked up from the deck, startled by the noise.

"She's not unsinkable, she's made of iron. She can sink," I said softly. The group turned around and looked at me, Mr. Andrews with a smile.

"Sleep soundly, young ladies. I have built you a good ship, strong and true. She's all the lifeboat you need," he told Rose and I, and then he gestured to continue the tour. I followed along slowly, my mind buzzing with thoughts. How I was going to tell Harry we were over. How I could live without him. How I could marry another man after loving someone so much.

I took a deep breath, rapping my fist on the door. It whipped open to reveal a grinning face. He pulled me into the room, slamming the door behind me. Harry made a move to kiss me but I shifted, ducking his attempt. He frowned, trying to take my hands in his, but I pulled away. The ache in my heart was growing larger and larger by the minute. I wasn't sure if I could go through with it or not, but I had to.

"Maggie?" he asked, looking into my eyes.

"I don't want to be with you," I said softly, tears springing to my eyes but I willed them away, I had to drive him away. Then he'd be safe from Cal and Lovejoy. Only then he would be alright.

"I don't understand…I thought-,"

I blinked several times, breathing deeply, "Last night was just… a fling. It meant nothing to me,"

I turned to face him and the ache grew larger. The look on his face, the sadness, the confusion. Harry ran a hang through his hair, sitting down on his bed and putting his face in his hands. He looked back up at me, brows furrowed, eyes slightly glossy.

"I love you Maggie," he whispered.

I closed my eyes, letting the words wash over me. He loved me, I loved him. But we couldn't be together. This wasn't fair, I thought to myself. But life is never fair. I had to force him away, no matter how hard it hurts.

I rolled my eyes, swallowing hard, "You honestly thought I could love you? You're an Officer….after all…I'm engaged to be married to a rich man," I said snootily, envisioning Ruth last night at dinner.

He put his head in his hands again, and I walked to the door, just as I stepped through he grabbed my injured wrist, exposing the bruises on my arm. I cried out, cradling it as I ran away from him, I'd fallen in love and broken someone's heart in less than a week. It seemed the Hockley family wasn't meant to have love.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: All I have to say is don't work for Jamba Juice...if you break the blenders...you work major overtime. TWO CHAPTERS! **

The sun was setting over the Atlantic, causing the water to sparkle endlessly. I sat on a deck chair, blanket over my legs. I'd shooed several stewards away, denying warm broth or cider. I didn't want anything. All I could think about was what was going to happen once we reached New York. How I could go on. I know it sounds dramatic, but Harry was my first everything.

I was in love with Harold Lowe. And as usual, my happiness and free will was crushed by my brother. Could I love my fiancé? Would I be able to go back to the frigid lifestyle that I had been leading after this?

"Margaret?" I looked up to see Officer Lightoller standing beside me, hands behind his back, expression angry.

"Oh…hello" I replied softly, moving my gaze off of him. I heard him sit down beside me on a deck chair.

"I don't want to be rude…but Harry is one of my best mates, I can't let anyone hurt him like you have." he said angrily. I felt the tears coming; I refused to meet his gaze.

"Why did you do it? Just to use him? For a one time fling? Wanted to see what someone below you felt like?" he asked heatedly.

"He isn't below me!" I snapped, wiping under my eyes, "I didn't use him…and I didn't and don't want it to be a one time fling."

I glanced over at him; Lightoller looked stunned, obviously not expecting that. He blinked a few times trying to register it, taking his hat off and holding it in his hands.

"Then why did you tell him what you did?"

"I'm not allowed to love. My brother, Cal found out about Harry and I. He forbids me from ever seeing him again."

"But if you love him just ignore your brother!"

I shook my head, pushing up my sleeve, "I can't ignore him. Every time I try he pulls me back…literally."

Lightoller gaped at the dark, ugly bruises that covered my arms. He stretched out, lightly touching my arm. I winced as pain shot through my arm, he pulled away quickly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean-'' I waved him off, pulling off the blanket and standing up. Lightoller stood up, putting his hat back on.

He stood there awkwardly, "What should I tell Harry?"

I shrugged, and then thought a moment, "Nothing. If he tries to come near me Cal will kill him.''

I started towards the library but turned around, catching Lightoller's eye, "But thanks for the talk I suppose…just don't tell him…please."


End file.
